Regrounding

When we launched in October, I had no idea just how busy I had scheduled myself to be. Between WIYB, things I wanted to move forward at work, a new volunteer position with a nonprofit associate board, travel, it’s no wonder I got sick for 3+ weeks. I also finally reached real burn out for the second time in my life . 

I struggle with setting too high of expectations for myself (and let’s be honest, for others too). Sometimes, I don’t even name these expectations. I do, however, feel all the things that come up when those expectations aren’t met: shame, worthlessness, undeserving, fraudulent (pretty sure Brene Brown doesn’t count that last one as a feeling, but I’m sure she’d let it slide). 

I had really high expectations for what I was going to do with the blog portion of WIYB. For starters, I was going to write weekly, and hopefully regain a practice of writing almost daily that I’d lost since graduating. I also thought I’d be able to turn it into a sort of advice space, where I answer questions folks pose during iso job recs and other events. Mostly, I thought I could use it to regain something I lost in the transition out of higher education and the tenure-track race: the appearance of expertise.

But who was I kidding? I’m just as clueless as anyone about how to navigate the job market. I know what we talk about regarding best practices for employers. I know there's a resume help person I’ve thought about contacting. I know that even the most qualified person on the market has to send in hundreds of applications to even get one phone screen. What I don’t know is who else is being honest about how it feels to open every. single. automated. rejection. And just leaving it at that - no platitudes, no attempts at saying something just to be noticed. Just commiserating, trying again, and signing off to connect with the people and activities that bring real meaning to their life. 

I guess what I’m saying is this: even though we took a bit of a hiatus after launching, it’s only because life “got in the way,” so to speak. But that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing to me. Not now that I’ve been forced to reground myself in the people and activities that bring me the most joy: Sundays on the couch with my partner and our cat and dog; cooking for my chosen family; reading and reading some more. 

I guess what I’m also saying is this: it’s unclear to me right now what the blog should or should not be. We’re pretty anti-normative here at WIYB anyway. Regardless, I’m glad all of y’all are along with us for the ride.

-Rachel